The Whiskey Rebellion and such

Farmers and settlers in rural Pennsylvania were not happy. They hated the tax on whiskey.


They hated it because they made whiskey and they made money off of whiskey. Everyone LOVED whiskey. So their reaction was to attack tax collectors and burn down barns!



These farmers also talked of creating their own nation. And then Washington steps in [40].

Washington came with a militia, the farmers were like, wow, we made him mad....crap. The farmers gave up and the rebellion was over. The lesson was learned; Do NOT mess with George Washington.

Washington dealt with other issues in his presidency...such as what to do when there is conflict abroad.

In 1789 the French Revolution began. This was an out right mess. Lots of people died and there were 95,000 new governments established in France [41]. Then France and England were at war [43]. Both Britain and France wanted the U.S. on their side. Washington opted to stay neutral. They were a new country, they had their own problems.

After 2 terms as president, Washington was done. In his farewell address he told the country to stay out of political parties, and foreign affairs [43].

After Washington was president in comes John Adams....


[40] He said, "Oh hell no"
[41] give or take a few
[42] as usual
[43] which of course we did....no...we didn't.

How Dare You Tax my Whiskey and Snuff!

Alexander Hamilton proposed 2 taxes. One would be a tariff. This is a tax on imported goods, like those Persian rugs you love so much. The second was an excise tax, this taxed liquor, sugar, snuff, and carriages. This was not popular.



Eventually, there was a compromise. The nations capital would be moved from Philadelphia to Washington D.C. This made the south happy, maybe those taxes weren't so terrible after all.



Then that Hamilton had another idea. He wanted a National Bank, was there anything in the Constitution about a bank? NO! But, Hamilton said it was covered under the necessary and proper clause.

Jefferson thought that was redic. But even though Jefferson felt this way, Washington still signed the bank bill and people no longer had to burry their money in a mason jar in the backyard [38]

So, we were on our way, things were going smoothly..oh, never mind, there's a bump in the road [39].

[38] Even though its how I prefer to do it..
[39] and it smells like whiskey

Ugghh again?

Now America had a Constitution, a Bill of Rights and we need the right guy to lead our awesome country. Who should this be? Why...George Washington, That's who!

On April 30th of 1789, Washington was inaugurated in New York City. It was a party, there were ever fireworks!


Washington named members of the very first cabinet [35]. This is a tradition that still happens today. The first members were Henry Knox [36], secretary of war, Thomas Jefferson, secretary state, Alexander Hamilton, secretary of treasury, and Edmund Randolph was attorney general.

After this, Congress met and the Judicial Branch was formed. And then...taxes [37]. Yes, again, the U.S. was in debt because of the Revolution.



[35] You can't keep cereal in this cabinet!
[36] The "Knoxinator"
[37] Again?!

A Break from Stick Figures...

The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die.- Ted Kennedy


Rest in Peace.

The Bill-o-Rights

The Bill of Rights are the first 10 amendments of the Constitution, it was a list of freedoms and said what the government could or could not do. The addition of this made the Anti-Federalists feel a lot more comfortable.




So reader, I'm sure you are wondering "what are the first 10 amendments?!". Well, lucky for you, I know and I could be delighted to tell you.

1. Freedom of religion, speech, press, assembly, and petition. This is the basis of America, we are not commies![30]

2. Right to bare arms. You can have a gun! or wear a furry suit and pretend you're a bear!!! GARRR!!!

3. Soldiers can't sleep in your house, that is, unless you want them to.

4. No illegal searches and seizures, for an example, watch Law & Order

5. You can't incriminate yourself, sort of a whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas type a deal.

6. If you commit a crime [31], you have the right to a fair and speedy trial.

7. This one is wordy, the gist is if there were legal errors in your trial, then the trial is unfair [32].

8. No excessive bail. If you stole a pack of gum, your bail will not be a million dollars. Unless the gum was attached to a person, and the said person is missing, and then the said persons body was found in your freezer. Was the gum really worth it?[33]

9. This one makes some growing room for the Constitution, things change man.

and finally...

10. Powers not given to federal government are given to states, like liquor laws, gambling, and prostitution [34].

[30] Damn Right?
[31] Shame on you!
[32] or possibly a farce!
[33] No.
[34] You don't have to admit to any of this, just plead the 5th!

A Compromise of Greatness

So what to do? How could the drafters of the Constitution possibly make everyone happy? Well, Connecticut had an idea, it was an idea to compromise, perhaps even a great compromise!


And so, The Great Compromise was born. It decided that there would be 3 branches of government! The Legislative would be bicameral! The House of Representatives would be based on population while the Senate would be equal representation! And yes, slaves would be counted as 3/5ths of people!!!!!

Then it was ratification time [29]. More debating came out of this with Federalists and Anti-Federalists. James Madison was a Federalist. Federalists wanted a strong central government. The Anti-Federalists feared a strong central government.



Because of the fear of a strong central government, the framers decided to add the Bill-o-Rights. Everyone thought this was a good idea, they were happy.



[29] Ratify, pas it, yay!

New Jersey v. Virginia

At the convention many important things were discussed, such as what the national bird should be. Benjamin Franklin suggested the turkey[23]. Yes...the turkey, or as you may call it, Thanksgiving dinner.


After much debate, Ben had to give in and it was decided that the Bald Eagle would be a better option.

After they got the important stuff out of the way they had to figure out the minor details of how to run their government.

One plan was the New Jersey Plan! This plan called for a unicameral[24] legislature, and representation to be determined by population. The small states thought this was a dandy idea. New Jersey had never been so proud[25].

The small states were a go, but the bigger states weren't having it.

In comes the Virginia Plan. This called for a bicameral legislature [26], one house would be represented equally while the other would depend on population of state or how much money it had. The bigger states thought this was fantastic, they hoisted Virginia on their shoulders while others stood in awe and slow clapped.

The small states were alert and on their toes. They wanted to know how the slaves would factor in.

Slave states said they should be counted, non slave states said it wasn't fair. The slave states said of course it was fair, after all, the slaves were people too![27] Eventually a compromise was met, the Three Fifths Compromise.

The decision was made that for every 5 slaves, only 3 of them would be counted in population. Or three out of 5 slaves were considered to be real people! [28]

[23] I'm sure the turkey was a good idea, especially, because Ben was probably drunk at the time.
[24] Uni is a prefix for one, such as a unicorn or a unicycle!
[25] Except for when Springsteen and Bon Jovi made it big
[26] and Bi is a prefix for 2, like bicycle so we would have two legislative houses!
[27] This was sort of a double standard, a sad double standard
[28] Cue America the Beautiful